Sunday, January 29, 2012

Flirting 101

While my relationship status at this moment should read "More confusing than Chinese arithmetic", one thing that I have established is that at the very least I will be shopping for someone to change it. With that said, I look for guys in two places....the gym and the grocery store (mostly because other than work, those are the only places I go and there isn't anyone at work...). Nothing has worked out for me at the grocery store yet but the gym is filled with lookers.

I definitely have a gym crush. If nothing else its motivation to go to the gym. We've never spoken anything other than "hey! how are you" but its mostly because I turn into a giddy little school girl and laugh awkwardly whenever he looks at me. I never know what to say or do. I have no idea how to flirt. So, like any modern young-fab-free girl, I googled "How to Flirt". I still don't know how to flirt BUT I did get a really good laugh from some of the advice that's out there. I thought I would share...

1. Lower your expectations: So what you're saying is, the cute guy I want to flirt with doesn't want me so I should flirt with someone less attractive? Okay so new standards: breathing. Got it.

2. Flirting is not appropriate everywhere, like at funerals: Thank you Captain Obvious.

3. Use body language to hint at your romantic intentions: All I can think is this....

Creepy much?

4. If you think you look like an idiot just laugh at yourself: I've already been doing that and its not working...

5. Make consistent eye contact: Cue death stare.

6. What you say is not important: So mention that I've already planned our wedding on Pinterest and
that I've already named our 2 children. Check!

7. If the person seems unresponsive they are possibly on the autism spectrum: WTF? No comment.

8. If they say something nerdy say, "You usually hang out at the library don't you": How does this qualify as flirting?

9. Trip, fall into his arms and say "Man, I thought I was falling into a wall because your pecs are so hard": hahaha...actually...that might work...
10. Grab his butt: I guess that would get his attention...

So while I won't be trying these the next time I run into my gym crush...there is someone out there right now that might be and that worries me!!

What are your best (or worst!) flirting tips??


  1. This is sooo funny! Autism spectrum? really?

    1. I guess they tell you that to make you feel better...haha!

  2. Hey Shayla! I followed you here from Spark!! This blog is hilarious! I too have been told to lower my standards and I seriously want to punch people in the face every single time they say that!

    1. Yay! I'm glad you found me. And no. We do not lower our standards ever. That's just dumb.

  3. LOL! Umm errrr. I suck at flirting so I came here for tips. LOL I'm willing to try just about anything!

    1. I'm a horrible flirt but at least I learned what NOT to do! haha

  4. ok the death stare is hilarious! and body language....all i can think of is the friend's episdoe where rachel tries being sexy with kitchen utensils....i'm fairly certain that's how i would look! um, i don't think i'm qualified to give flirting advice what with being single 3.5 years and counting so my best advice would be me and do everthing the exact opposite ;)
    um - gym crush? still no relationship status? we need to catch up missy!