Flirting 101

While my relationship status at this moment should read "More confusing than Chinese arithmetic", one thing that I have established is that at the very least I will be shopping for someone to change it. With that said, I look for guys in two places....the gym and the grocery store (mostly because other than work, those are the only places I go and there isn't anyone at work...). Nothing has worked out for me at the grocery store yet but the gym is filled with lookers.

I definitely have a gym crush. If nothing else its motivation to go to the gym. We've never spoken anything other than "hey! how are you" but its mostly because I turn into a giddy little school girl and laugh awkwardly whenever he looks at me. I never know what to say or do. I have no idea how to flirt. So, like any modern young-fab-free girl, I googled "How to Flirt". I still don't know how to flirt BUT I did get a really good laugh from some of the advice that's out there. I thought I would share...

1. Lower your expectations: So what you're saying is, the cute guy I want to flirt with doesn't want me so I should flirt with someone less attractive? Okay so new standards: breathing. Got it.



2. Flirting is not appropriate everywhere, like at funerals: Thank you Captain Obvious.

3. Use body language to hint at your romantic intentions: All I can think is this....

Creepy much?

4. If you think you look like an idiot just laugh at yourself: I've already been doing that and its not working...

5. Make consistent eye contact: Cue death stare.

6. What you say is not important: So mention that I've already planned our wedding on Pinterest and

that I've already named our 2 children. Check!

7. If the person seems unresponsive they are possibly on the autism spectrum: WTF? No comment.

8. If they say something nerdy say, "You usually hang out at the library don't you": How does this qualify as flirting?

9. Trip, fall into his arms and say "Man, I thought I was falling into a wall because your pecs are so hard": hahaha...actually...that might work...
 
10. Grab his butt: I guess that would get his attention...



So while I won't be trying these the next time I run into my gym crush...there is someone out there right now that might be and that worries me!!

What are your best (or worst!) flirting tips??